Editor’s note: Everyone knows and loves someone who is grieving their marriage. While this topic might not be relevant for you, we encourage you to share this devotion from Dr. Joel Muddamalle, co-author with Lysa TerKeurst and Dr. Jim Cress of Surviving an Unwanted Divorce with someone you care about who is enduring what they fervently prayed they’d never have to face.
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I (Joel) clearly remember one of my hardest ministry days. It was a day when my ministry life truly collided with my personal life. You see, I love what I get to do at Proverbs 31 Ministries as director of theology. What makes it even more special is that I get to process theology with people who aren’t just coworkers but have truly become friends. We celebrate the highs and lows of life. We attend weddings, celebrate the birth of kids, and we also grieve the loss of parents and, yes, even the death of a marriage.
On this day, I was at Lysa’s house sitting with another co-worker and friend, Leah. We had a study day planned and deep theology to discuss. Leah and I were waiting at the gray round table for Lysa to join us. As she sat down, I noticed that her eyes were red and she had been crying. The tears had probably stopped flowing hours before, but the pain was still evident. This was a different kind of sorrow. I could feel the grief she was carrying on her shoulders. And we all felt the sobriety of that moment.
Then, Lysa looked at me and asked me one of the hardest questions I’ve ever had to respond to. The difficulty of it wasn’t just the theology behind the question but the real-life implications of what the answer would mean.
Lysa asked, “Joel, is it true that God hates divorce?”
I imagine you may have asked this before too.
The simple fact that you are courageously asking this question is evidence that you want to honor God. You want to make Jesus proud. You want to do the right thing, and no part of you wants to get this wrong. The thought of dishonoring God through divorce probably feels debilitating.
No matter what stage you are in in this journey — pre-divorce, pending divorce, or post-divorce — I’d love to help bring some clarity to this big question. When you hear the statement “God hates divorce,” you may think that, unfortunately, regardless of any situation and circumstance, if you get a divorce, you are facing not just the displeasure of God but the hatred of God. But where did this idea come from? Malachi 2:16.
Here’s the challenge: The Hebrew in Malachi 2:16, the original language this book of the Bible was written in, makes it one of the most difficult verses to translate. That’s why so many different Bible translations say different things in this verse. I honestly think this may be one of the more important Bible teachings that we desperately need to get right because of the devastation that takes place when we get it wrong. So we are going to do some deeper Bible study here. It will be worth it.
A quick history lesson on Bible translations will help us understand how we got to the phrase “God hates divorce.” Today, we have a variety of translations of the Bible. Some people use NIV, others use ESV, and I personally study from CSB. But before all this variety, the primary translation people used was the King James Version of the Bible (KJV), specifically King James Version 1611, which was later updated to the New King James Version (NKJV). This was one of the first widely produced and distributed English Bibles, and it made a huge impact on our interpretation of the text because future translations would look to the KJV and NKJV as a starting point.
Ultimately, the translators of the KJV and NKJV made an interpretation decision instead of just leaving it at what the text says.1 And I think KJV and NKJV got Malachi 2:16 terribly wrong. Let’s look at the NKJV:
“The Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (NKJV)
Why did the KJV/NKJV opt for “God hates divorce”? I’m honestly not sure. My suspicion is that, at some level, the translation decision was somehow influenced by a fear of promoting divorce. Regardless of the possible motivation, we have ancient manuscripts and original-language analysis that can help us find some clarity on what the original Hebrew was trying to convey. I’m going to summarize this here for you. But for my deeper Bible study gals and ministry-leader friends, follow the endnote for a more technical discussion.2
When making translation decisions, we want to follow the most ancient sources, as well as the history of interpretation. Admittedly, the Hebrew of Malachi 2:16 is incredibly difficult. When you translate one language into another, there is often not a one-to-one equivalent for the words you’re translating. So all translations have to adjust the original Hebrew in order to make grammatical sense in English. When the Hebrew is adjusted, we may come up with a phrase like “God hates divorce,” but this isn’t the only way to read the original Hebrew. There is another way we can interpret the Hebrew to work in English, and I would suggest this is the more accurate reading. When we keep the Hebrew intact (following with ancient sources), we would translate the verb “he hates” as third person. The “he” in this instance is actually the husband, not God.
Let’s look at how modern translations like the CSB and ESV handle this:
If he [the husband] hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord God of Israel, “he [the husband] covers his garment with injustice,” says the Lord of Armies. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously. — CSB
“The man who does not love his wife but divorces her,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” — ESV
Finally, look at the distinction the NIV makes in response to the action:
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. — NIV
Simply put, the husband is the one doing the hating in this verse.
The phrase “he covers his garments with injustice/violence” refers to the man being “unjust” and “cruel” toward his wife rather than protecting her. And Yahweh (God) is talking about His anger toward the husband, who is the one who has broken covenant.
Now, hear me say this loud and clear:
- God does hate what divorce does to people, families, and the individuals who are walking through it.
Let’s take a closer look at the Hebrew verb śānēʾ that is used in this verse. It is best and most accurately translated in English as “hate” and has the underlying meaning of “an emotional condition of aversion.”3 Other words we could also use are “scorn, grief, or even a change in status to being an enemy.”4
All these words are trying to get us to a deep sense of aversion toward the breaking of covenant and the impact it has on the innocent party. The last portion of the verse in Malachi 2:16 says,
Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously. — CSB
When we read the “therefore,” we now shift to God’s perspective on the situation and can make two observations:
- the warning about how we must watch ourselves and be careful, and
- how He views the situation of hatred toward an innocent spouse as treacherous.
Ultimately, God is displeased with the one who unjustly breaks the marriage covenant they made with their spouse.
Now, keep in mind that God also forgives, redeems, and restores the repentant of heart. There is an overwhelming number of Scripture references that speak to this amazing truth about our gracious God. We truly can begin to comprehend the extravagance of the grace of God only when we come to terms with the tragedy of our sin. But if the offending party isn’t repentant and breaks the covenant unjustly, he does violence to the one he should protect, as Malachi states, and God is displeased.
Let me be clear. With all our studying and reframing of this verse, I am not giving a license for divorce. I am not demeaning or lowering the sacred nature of marriage. I am not denying marriage is a covenant (berith) between a man and a woman in the presence of God as a judge. What I am saying is that this verse does not say “God hates divorce.” The Hebrew doesn’t read that way. The ancient sources don’t read that way. And this distinction makes a difference! It matters. Why? Because, as Jim says, “The words we use frame the world we live in.”
The translation “God hates divorce” is a flat and absolute statement. It is one that places God’s hatred, grief, and displeasure equally on both the covenant breaker and the victim of the broken covenant.
For the woman who is the recipient of an unwanted divorce, when she hears “God hates divorce,” she hears “God hates what I am doing” or, worse, “God hates me.” You may say that I am making an assumption about the heartbreaking misapplication of this verse. Let me assure you, this is not an assumption.
I’ve personally heard the testimony of hundreds of women who have said that this verse was used to force them to stay in sexually, physically, and emotionally abusive marriages. When you add in the online comments, messages, and emails, the number of stories skyrockets into the thousands. This painful misplacement of God’s displeasure is exactly that, a misplacement.
You see, there are biblical reasons that make a divorce possible and even necessary. Does it break God’s heart? Of course. Is it ideal? No, of course not. But at times, in some situations, it’s not only permissible but necessary. Shame comes from the Enemy and is never from God. So as Christians, we need to be careful of misunderstanding a verse and then misapplying it to people, causing them shame or, worse, forcing them to stay in what our friend Leslie Vernick calls a destructive marriage.
This is why clarity on what this verse is actually saying matters. It protects innocent victims of unwanted divorces and those who have been rescued from marriages that threaten their well-being from feeling like they are in sin and are a disappointment to God. They are not. In fact,
the entire concept of the Old Testament certificate of divorce was established to protect women.
Some people have responded to this idea and said that moving away from the phrase “God hates divorce” is a dangerous thing because it devalues the covenant of marriage. But this is a comment based on fear, and fear as a motivation makes for horrible hermeneutics (how we study and interpret the Bible).
The truth is, this passage, translated appropriately, maintains the right view of marriage. This helps us see that the grief and displeasure of God are directed toward the one who breaks the covenant. With this insight, we can see the tragic effect that this covenant-¬breaking action has upon the innocent victim. We can see the devastation that occurs when the sacredness of marriage is shattered, while simultaneously tending to the heart of the victim who was sinned against. None of this devalues or diminishes the institution of marriage. It upholds it in the proper order.
What grieves me the most is that some in the church put undue suffering on the women who have been crushed by the sinful choices of men who are in the throes of sin (cheating, abusing, exploiting), being more concerned about the woman potentially getting a divorce than about addressing the reasons the woman is in this position in the first place. The comments that have grieved me the most are the ones from Christian ministry leaders who haven’t said a word about the sin, betrayals, deceitfulness, and unrepentant nature of the men who are breaking the hearts of women by the millions. This is why accurate and faithful exegesis is paramount. This is why having compassionate hearts is essential. This is why humble theology matters.
So for the sister who wanted nothing more than to please God with her life, who now has the word divorced attached to her circumstances, let me say this to you:
God does not hate you. He is not displeased with you. He loves you, cherishes you, and is so proud of your courage as you walk through something you never created, never wanted, but are now facing.
~ Joel Muddamalle
1. The KJV 1611, later updated to the New King James Version (NKJV), was forced into moving from a “translation” decision into making an “interpretation” decision to clear up the ambiguity of the original Hebrew language. This is a regular practice of all translations. However, the challenge is that the interpretive decision does not necessarily have to be the only interpretation. I want to emphasize the fact that there is good textual evidence to opt for an alternative reading that is actually more historic and predates the KJV 1611.
2. The most coherent translation that flows with ancient sources Masoretic Text (also known as MSS), Septuagint (or LXX), 4QXII, Targum, and Vulgate, (especially LXX, the first translation of the Hebrew Bible into Greek that gives us commentary level insights into the MSS) is to preserve the MSS without emendation or modification. So, we should translate it as a third-person verb “he hates.” Who is the “he”? It’s a reference to the husband, not God. Almost all phrases of “says Yahweh” in Malachi are taken in direct discourse, so the same should be done here — not indirect as KJV and NKJV opt for. So Yahweh is talking about the husband who hates and divorces his wife. The LXX supports this view and reads “allà e̓ àn misḗsas e̓xapostéilēs” the construct is a participle and subjunctive (if hating you divorce or if out of hatred you divorce). This is talking about the husband, not God.
3. E. Lipiński, “א ֵנ ָׂש,” ed. G. Johannes Botterweck, Helmer Ringgren, and Heinz-Josef Fabry, trans. Douglas W. Stott, Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament (William B. Eerdmans, 2004), 164.
4. E. Lipiński, 164.
Excerpted with permission from Surviving an Unwanted Divorce by Lysa Terkeurst with Jim Cress and Joel Muddamalle, copyright Lysa Terkeurst LLC.
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Your Turn
Most of us know someone who really needs this devotion today. Those who have been in a marriage with a partner who broke their covenant and yet feel shrouded in shame because the world around them (and sometimes the church) have told them God hates divorce. I urge you to encourage them by forwarding this correct interpretation to them today! The Lord loves His children and is with you through this season that you never wanted. ~ Devotionals Daily