Editor's note: Enjoy today's devotion from This Little Fire of Mine by Kendall Mariah.
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The thing is, faith and doubt aren’t enemies — they’re dance partners, always stepping on each other’s toes.
I think having doubts and questions is as normal as biscuits at Sunday brunch — and honestly, they’re just as necessary. The truth is, even the people closest to Jesus had their fair share of doubts. And if you don’t believe me, just ask Thomas, one of Jesus’ own twelve disciples.
As a disciple, Thomas was in Jesus’ inner circle. He wasn’t some random follower who had been picked up along the way. He was chosen by Jesus to be one of His twelve, which meant he spent three years as an integral part of Jesus’ ministry. I can only imagine the number of intimate moments Thomas must have had with Jesus in that time, and the faith he must have had to give up everything he knew to follow Him. But we don’t get those details; instead, Thomas’s legacy is marked by needing proof.
In chapter 20 of John, we find Thomas and the disciples. Jesus had been killed and buried in a tomb. Mary Magdalene went to the tomb, but the stone had been rolled away, and Jesus was not there. I can only imagine the shock, fear, and concern that she felt in that moment. She ran to tell the disciples that Jesus’ body had been taken.
Two of those disciples, Peter and John, ran back to the tomb. John arrived first and stopped at the entrance, but Peter ran right past him into the tomb. Mary had been telling the truth: Jesus was not there, just the clothes He had been wrapped in for burial.
While Peter and John went back to where they were staying, Mary stayed by the tomb, and two angels appeared where Jesus’ body should have been.
They asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying?’ ‘They have taken my Lord away,’ she said, ‘and I don’t know where they have put Him’. — John 20:13
She turned toward the opening of the tomb to see a man standing there. Because of the light shining through, she couldn’t tell who it was. She figured it was probably a gardener coming to look after the grounds.
But it was Jesus, and as soon as He said her name, she knew it was Him. Mary ran to embrace Jesus and He said,
Do not hold on to Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to My brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, to My God and your God’. — John 20:17
Mary did just that. She ran to the disciples and told them everything.
Later that evening, the disciples were gathered. They had locked all the doors. I imagine they felt so many things on top of grief. Would the Roman authorities come after them next? Where did they go from there? For three years their lives had revolved around Jesus and then He was gone. Jesus told them He would come back, but what if He didn’t?
Everyone felt tense and emotional, so imagine their shock when Jesus appeared and said,
Peace be with you! — v. 19
Jesus held out His hands to show the wounds from His crucifixion. The disciples were overjoyed.
Again Jesus said, ‘Peace be with you! As the Father has sent Me, I am sending you.’ And with that He breathed on them and said, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven’. — vv. 21–23
But Thomas wasn’t there when Jesus appeared.
When he reunited with the disciples, they were eager to tell him that Jesus had come.
But he [Thomas] said to them, ‘Unless I see the nail marks in His hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe’. — John 20:25
It was at this moment that Thomas became known by the unfortunate nickname Doubting Thomas, like that one kid in Sunday school who just couldn’t get with the program, who maybe just needed to pray a little harder. But let’s be real: If your best friends came running up to you claiming they’d just seen a man you watched die come back to life, wouldn’t you have a few follow-up questions? Thomas had just tragically and traumatically lost his Teacher and Friend. He was possibly fearful of his own persecution and trying to process all that had happened in such a short amount of time.
Just a week earlier they were waving palms and watching Jesus ride a donkey into Jerusalem. The emotional whiplash he must have felt! We don’t know why Thomas wasn’t there with the other disciples when Jesus appeared. Maybe he had gone to be by himself; he needed time to grieve alone. Maybe he had gone to get food or run an errand. We don’t know, but one thing is for sure. We all respond, react, and grieve differently, so I don’t fault him for that. I, too, like to go hide and be alone, but I also understand the need to keep up with everyday activities like going to the market or for a walk.
Thomas wasn’t being difficult; he was being honest. He needed to see for himself. And you know what? Jesus didn’t scold him, didn’t kick him out of the group, didn’t even roll His eyes, though I imagine everyone else did.
Instead, Jesus met Thomas right where he was, doubts and all, and gave him exactly what he needed: proof, presence, and a little extra grace.
Here’s my question: What if Thomas was wired to need proof and ask questions? Because honestly, I get it.
Some folks take things at face value, and others need to poke it with a stick before they believe it’s real. Thomas just happened to be one of the second kind of people. And let’s be fair — when you’ve got twelve different disciples, you’ve got twelve different ways of seeing the world.
A week passed and the disciples were together again. This time Thomas was with the group, but the doors were still locked. However, like the first time, Jesus appeared and said, “Peace be with you!” Then He said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see My hands. Reach out your hand and put it into My side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen Me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” — John 20:26–29
I like to believe that at this moment, Jesus knew that Thomas would be an illustration. It’s possible that Jesus knew Thomas well enough to know that he would need proof, and the whole scene was Jesus’ way of doubling down on “I am who I say I am.”
- He was good on His word, and He needed all the disciples to know it.
When Jesus said “stop doubting,” the original Greek word used is apistos. Translated to English, we would use the words unbelieving, doubting, or faithless, but apistos specifically means not persuaded or convinced by God. As if there wasn’t enough evidence to fully believe in Christ.
Jesus wasn’t just speaking to Thomas’s doubt, he was acknowledging that Thomas needed proof because he was not fully convinced based on the word of his fellow disciples. Jesus didn’t have to show back up. He could have just left Thomas to try to work it out for himself. But I would argue that by showing up and giving Thomas the proof that he wanted, Jesus was not only meeting Thomas where he was but also showing the rest of the disciples that doubt is a very real potential experience. Thomas had been on the same three-year journey as the others. He had seen Jesus perform miracles and share the good news, but he still needed more.
Jesus didn’t come back to shun or shame Thomas; instead, He ministered. He made space for the doubt and gave Thomas assurance.
The Gospels give example after example of Jesus meeting people right where they were, through the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, if we have doubts, questions, or frustrations nowadays when it comes to faith and the church, we are often met with platitudes like “Just believe” or “It’s our job to trust and obey, not to ask questions,” which really gets my blood boiling.
There were twelve disciples who walked with Jesus, listened to the same sermons, saw the same miracles, but you better believe they didn’t process things the same way. Peter was all heart and impulse, jumping out of boats before thinking things through. John was the poetic type, always talking about love and light. And then there was Thomas — practical, logical, maybe even a little skeptical. He wasn’t about to take somebody else’s word for it, not because he didn’t want to believe, but because his brain was wired to ask, “Are you sure?”
And honestly, I think Jesus makes room for all kinds. He didn’t just call dreamers and poets — he called fishermen, tax collectors, doubters, and deep thinkers too. So maybe Thomas wasn’t lacking faith at all. Maybe he was just the kind of person who needed to see things for himself, and Jesus, in His kindness, didn’t hold that against Thomas. Instead, He met Thomas exactly where he was, with the proof he needed, like a teacher who understands that not all students learn the same way.
So, maybe doubt isn’t the opposite of faith. Maybe, for some of us, wrestling with doubt and asking questions is just part of how we get to a faith that actually feels real instead of some kind of inherited religion that is more dogmatic than practical. I believe faith is meant to be transformative, life changing, and deeply personal, but how can it be any of those things if we never take it deep enough to see what it is truly made of?
Excerpted with permission from This Little Fire of Mine by Kendall Mariah, copyright Kendall T. Dunn.
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Your Turn
Do you have questions? Doubts? Do you wrestle with believing? Take it to Jesus! He’ll meet you wherever you are because He made you, He knows you, and He loves you. ~ Devotionals Daily