A huge part of changing your mindset is learning to forgive and let go. If you have been through something in your personal life that is making unforgiveness and bitterness an issue, those feelings will show up in other places — and not in a good way.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean that anything that happened to you was okay. Letting go of bitterness doesn’t make a situation less unfair. But it does mean that it’s over and not keeping you stuck any longer.
Think of a situation (or situations) in your life that you just can’t get over. What is it?
Have you made attempts to forgive and move on? How did those attempts go? What happened?
Perhaps you have forgiven, but are you still bitter? When this situation comes up, does it give you a sinking feeling in the pit of your belly? When you see certain things or people on social media, do you feel triggered? Do you still feel a little hot all over at the very mention of their names?
Let’s take a quick quiz, shall we?
1. Are you often jealous of the people around you who have what you don’t?
a) Yes, I want it all.
b) Nope, I’m too blessed to be stressed.
c) Sometimes, but isn’t that normal?
2. Are you easily irritated by happy people who seem to have it all?
a) Ugh. What are they so happy about anyway?
b) No, I’m pretty happy myself.
c) Mostly no, but certain happy people drive me nuts.
3. Do you criticize or gossip about people when they’re not around?
a) Only when someone is being annoying — which is always.
b) I try really hard not to.
c) Yes, but I never say anything I wouldn’t say to their faces.
4. Does it ever seem like a person or a group is out to take things from you?
a) They totally are, so yeah.
b) No. There’s enough for everyone.
c) In certain circumstances, yes.
5. Is it difficult to trust friends and family who try to treat you well?
a) Yes. If they’re being nice they probably have an ulterior motive.
b) No, they love me.
c) Mostly no, but certain people can’t be trusted.
6. Do you have trouble giving other people the benefit of the doubt when their words or actions are awkward?
a) No one gives me the benefit of the doubt, so why should I give it to anyone else?
b) No, I try to assume the best about everyone.
c) Depends on how well I know them, I guess.
7. Do you have a difficult time apologizing when you’re wrong, or congratulating and praising others when they do well?
a) Yes. I know what I’m supposed to do, but I just can’t get past my own feelings.
b) No, not at all.
c) Sometimes it’s more difficult than others, but usually no.
8. Are you pessimistic about good news or new opportunities, always looking for the catch?
a) My experience tells me that if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
b) No, I get excited and hopeful.
c) I try not to be, but a tiny part of me can’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop.
If you answered mostly As, bitterness is a big problem for you and it’s time to make like Queen Elsa and Let. It. Go.
If you answered mostly Bs, you are in the clear! You have forgiven and moved on.
And if you answered mostly Cs, it sounds like you’re dealing with a little bit of unforgiveness and bitterness, but you seem to be on the path to healing.
- Regardless of how long you’ve held on to this situation, it’s got to go.
God has so much more for you if you will just let go of that. My pastor once told me that the worst thing I can give my children is a grudge. Ouch! That really resonated with me. I want to teach them to forgive, let go, and move on by my example. So I have to check my heart continually for bitterness. And if you’re serious about getting unstuck and doing big things, you’ll need to check your heart continually too. You do have a choice. You can move on. The decision is yours.
The next time that thing you’ve been holding on to pops back up (because it will; that’s how bitterness works), say,
- “I’ve forgiven [insert name here].”
Say it all day, over and over if you have to.
If someone else brings up the topic, change the subject.
If your thoughts start drifting that way, focus them on some of the good things God is doing in your life.
If you continually do this, I promise that eventually your situation will stop having such a strong hold over you. You will find freedom from it.
- This need for forgiveness also means forgiving yourself.
Some of you have made bad decisions, done things you aren’t proud of, hurt people, or [insert whatever thing you are ashamed of here]. And guess what? Me too. This is called being human. But if you’ve asked God to forgive you, it’s already done. So if God forgives you, and as a Christian your call is to be more like Him, why are you not forgiving yourself?
What do you need to let go of? Who do you need to forgive?
- Let’s get to it. Forgive. Let go. Because you have important work to do.
God needs you free to answer His calling for you.
Your spouse deserves you to be whole. Your kids need a healed mother. You deserve to get your headspace back so you can focus on what’s important. God is offering you a holy exchange — your pain for God’s plan. And that is one heck of a deal, my friend. Take it.
Over and over, I hear women say they are waiting to do things until they feel more confident. They think confidence is the magic, secret ingredient that will get them unstuck. And that, my friend, is nonsense. How can anyone expect to feel confident about something they’ve never done before?
The truth is that so many successful people aren’t confident; they are courageous. They do things in spite of their low confidence level. Here’s the thing: confidence is an end result of doing things while you’re afraid. Confidence is what comes after you do the thing you’re scared of—and then do the thing again, and again.
Confidence has to be earned. You can’t buy it, manifest it, package it, or wish it into existence. The reason you’re stuck isn’t because you lack confidence. No, you’re lacking the experience that will help you feel confident. There’s such a huge difference.
- It’s time to quit waiting for confidence before you get out of your rut and out of your head.
You don’t need confidence. You just need the courage to say yes to something even with that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach.
So now I have to ask: What have you been putting off doing or starting because you don’t feel confident enough?
When God has put something big on your heart, something you need to get unstuck to pursue, you don’t need to feel confident to do it. You may not feel qualified, but you can be confident in the One who did the asking.
God opens the doors, but we have to be courageous and obedient enough to walk through them. Whether or not we have confidence in ourselves is not even a factor.
If He is calling you to it, He will certainly call you through it. And you can have confidence in that! It’s time to muster up the courage to do what God is asking you to do or what the desires in your heart are leading you toward.
What do you believe God is asking you to be courageous about today?
The Bible tells us to recall and remember God’s work, so let’s do that! Think about all the times when God has come through for you in the past . Write them out below so you can come back to them and remind yourself of the times you acted even though you were scared and it turned out okay .
Change is possible, but it’s entirely up to you. You — and you alone — are responsible for how you handle whatever you were handed in life and how you handle your emotions today.
Friend, whatever you do, the words you use, the thought patterns you play over and over in your mind — they matter.
You are a grown woman, capable of healing, being whole, doing hard things, and moving forward. But you must believe this to get unstuck. And you can’t believe it if you keep reminding yourself of every mistake you’ve ever made. The reason we stay tied to excuses is because we are scared. So we self-protect by making up all the reasons why we can’t. It’s time to stop letting those old missteps and excuses live rent-free in your mind.
God can fix bad thinking. He can help you overcome your feelings. Besides, your feelings about whatever you’re trying to do in life, or whatever God is asking you to do, really don’t matter anyway. (Since when did your feelings become a good reason not to do or try something?)
Your feelings do not release you from your calling. Your God-given calling is your purpose. It’s the thing that makes you tick and that only you can do. It’s your life’s work. You will not be able to do it if you are going to choose to stay stuck with your fear.
You can’t show up for God, for your husband, your family, the world, or your life if you continue to choose to stay tied to bad thinking, bad situations, and feelings that aren’t true. It’s up to you whether you stay stuck or move toward freedom. You can do this!
I’ve been through some tough stuff and I’ve allowed it to keep me stuck, but I know You’ve always been there with me and that You are here with me now. Please keep showing me all the things and feelings and old wounds that keep me stuck. I want to name them so I can tackle them and work toward freedom. Please, God, help me do that. I know I can’t do it all alone.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Excerpted with permission from Get Unstuck and Stay Unstuck by Jennifer Allwood, copyright Jennifer Allwood.
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What do you need to let go? Who do you need to forgive? You’ve got work to do, divine goals to pursue, and godly purposes to attend to, so don’t get stuck! Be courageous! Come share your thoughts with us. We want to hear from you! ~ Devotionals Daily