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How to Make Mom Friends in a Go-It Alone Culture

Book cover, Desperate Mom by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Going at it alone is, without a doubt, one of the most common and effective strategies that Satan uses to discourage moms. A woman alone in her home with her ideals eventually wears down and becomes a perfect target for Satan to discourage. Some women have journeyed alone for so long they are not even aware of their urgent need for mentors, friends, peers, and fellowship.

Young moms were never meant to be without the advice and care of multiple women assisting them and advising them in their lives. Yet we have become so used to living without support that we often lose perspective on how much we need intimate friendships with other women. This deep need sometimes puts pressure on husbands to fulfill needs that they were never designed to fill.

No matter how wonderful a man may be, he is not crafted by God to meet all of a woman’s needs. Through the centuries, women in the home usually had a mom, aunt, sister, or grandmother living close by. They would walk out their back door and talk to each other as they hung clothing on the clothes line or shared a cup of tea while their children played together outdoors. Families living in community generally had the same values and faith and could pass on a legacy of confidence and security to the children and young moms.

All of us, even introverts, are made for relationship, to experience God’s grace through our dearest friends around us. Realizing how important this need was, I made a long list of groups that I would start or join wherever I moved.

First Step: Reach Out

The first step when I was in a new town would be to find a group of moms and attend activities at a church. Sometimes these groups grew and became large, and sometimes my meetings would fizzle and I would need to search elsewhere to find a kindred spirit. But I learned that I had to become an initiator if I wanted to have friends and fellowship for myself, as well as for Clay [my husband] and the kids. Having a friend who shared my ideals was essential to my own well-being and the emotional health of my family.

I have had to start almost every group to which I have ever belonged. One of the first lessons I learned was to not be discouraged if others did not invite me. In this individualistic culture where everyone is too busy and overwhelmed with life, the groups in which we find community will inevitably be the groups we start ourselves.

Cultivating friendships and making mom friends is a real talent and skill developed by mature and wise women of God. With practice, it becomes an art of love.

3 Ways to Make Mom Friends – Multigenerational Moms

Over the years I have established a strategy of developing different groups:

  • First, I always look for a few women my age or who have children the ages of my children. This will give you friends who will know about events in your area that are suited to your stage in life, give your children friends to play with at the park, and connect you with people who might want to trade kids for that much-needed date night or time out alone.
  • Next, I look for an older woman in church or in a ministry whom I think might stimulate me spiritually. I was in a small group Bible study the first year I moved to Colorado and fell in love with one of the older women. I asked her to breakfast at my home and we began to develop a friendship. Now I try to meet with her at least once a month when we are both in town. I know that when I am with her, I will be more encouraged to love God, to be a better mom, and to be a better spouse, because I know that this women walks with God.
  • Finally, I find a mom or woman who is younger than I to befriend, who is looking for encouragement. I vowed to the Lord that I would seek out younger women in whom to invest my life and time because I had so longed for such fellowship and friendship when I was starting out. I have found that when I feel responsible to encourage other younger moms in their walk with God and in biblical ideals, I am more encouraged myself to live up to the standards that I am teaching.

As I look at my present life, I am amazed at what a plethora of friends I now have, when for so many years I felt isolated, bored, and empty. It has certainly taken a good deal of work and many years of investment, but, as a result, I have my cup filled with the joy of strong fellowship.

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Your Turn

  • Friendship has always been a strength of women, and yet we live in a very isolationist culture. What are the consequences when a woman does not have a companion to help her?
  • What is an answer to keeping from falling down in the trials of life and motherhood, and how can you develop a network of friends to walk beside you in this journey so you will not be alone?

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You’re invited to leave a comment to these questions in the comments section below. We’d love to hear from you!

Photo by: Catherine Yeulet (