Editor's note: Enjoy today's devotion written for Devotionals Daily by Kerri King, cover designer for the NIV Artisan Bible Collection.
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I sat in my living room with bloodshot eyes.
I had cried all the tears my body would allow, and now I sat in silence trying to figure out my next move.
The day before, I had buried my dad on a cold January afternoon. His death had been sudden, and I was still in shock.
I was thirty-one. Even though I knew others had lost their parents at a younger age, I still felt robbed. Just a few weeks earlier, he had been so full of life — feeding my youngest a yogurt parfait in my living room and getting his arm hugged after every bite.
Now, I sat in that same living room with nothing but my family and a bunch of flowers from his funeral.
My spiritual foundation wasn’t prepared for this storm.
While I wasn’t new to my faith, I was still what I would now call a baby Christian. I had grown up in church, going every Sunday and Wednesday. I went on youth mission trips and knew all the words to the latest Christian music songs. Yet despite all of that, I lacked a deep understanding of who God truly is.
As I sat there on my couch, I debated what I could do to numb my mind from all the pain I had experienced over the last week. There were several long nights in the hospital, which unfortunately ended with my mom, my sister and me picking out a casket.
My mind began cycling through possibilities for distractions. A new Netflix series. Binge eating. Maybe even alcohol, though I had never been much of a drinker.
I knew I needed something to take my mind off this excruciating pain.
Even though I was angry with God, something inside of me wanted to understand Him more.
Why did He feel the need to take my father from us when he was newly retired? After everything he had been through in his younger years, why now?
I didn’t understand it. It felt too harsh for a God who was supposed to be loving.
And then a thought crossed my mind.
If I were going to binge anything, maybe it should be the Bible.
Maybe the only thing that could steady my heart was filling my mind with the Word of the Lord.
So that’s exactly what I did.
From Genesis to Revelation and everywhere in between, I read. I studied. I searched the Scriptures looking for who God truly is. I paid attention to the way He revealed Himself and His character to His people. I slowly began to learn things that I never knew before.
What I wasn’t expecting was how the Lord would meet me in those pages.
At first, I was just searching for comfort — words on a page that would numb the pain from the weight of grief I was under.
The more I read, the more I began to see the character of God woven throughout Scripture.
For the first time ever, I was grasping the story of the Bible and saw that the Lord wasn’t punishing me by taking my dad too soon. He met me in the muck of my sadness and sat with me there.
But luckily, we didn’t stay in the trenches of grief.
His Word slowly pulled me out of the haze.
I saw a God who was:
- patient with His people even when they weren’t obeying Him (ahem, Exodus)
- loving even when folks turned to idols and pagan traditions
- present to those who are brokenhearted
- forgiving enough to send His Son as my Savior
The same God who walked with Abraham, Moses and David is the same God who was sitting with me in the living room.
Little by little, my understanding of God began to grow.
My circumstances didn’t change overnight. My dad was still gone. My grief didn’t disappear.
But my view of God was beginning to shift.
I always saw God as a distant ruler in a far-off Kingdom in the sky. But that’s not what the Bible says.
The Bible tells me He is “an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1) and that “you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).
God is present and moves closer to His people even in their darkest seasons.
Eight years later, I’m still seeking. I’m still reading. I’m still in awe of an almighty God.
What started as a desperate attempt to numb my pain became something different entirely: a deep love for Scripture and a growing understanding of His Word bloomed.
If you find yourself in a hard season, unable to move in any direction because the pain is too unbearable, might I encourage you to do what I did that day on my couch?
Open your Bible.
You don’t have to know what to read or where to begin.
Just start somewhere.
You don’t need a perfect plan to study the Bible.
You just have to show up. The Lord can work with that.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do in the middle of the mess is sit with God, tell Him you don’t understand and then ask for Him to show you the way.
Allow Him to show you His character one page at a time.
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Written for Devotionals Daily by Kerri King, cover designer for the NIV Artisan Bible Collection.
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Your Turn
Just show up! You don’t have to be perfect (no one can be), or be in a good head space, or even know what you believe yet. Just show up. Read the Bible and ask the Lord to join you right where you are. ~ Devotionals Daily