So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him. — 2 Corinthians 5:9 ESV
Years ago, I wrote a book about living for God’s approval, not human approval. I wrote it for teenage girls, but little did I know, I would need the message myself.
When the book released, a mom of a girl in my daughter’s grade started a false narrative about me. She tried to turn some moms against me. And while her efforts soon fizzled, it was a blow to feel scorn from a woman I barely knew.
I realized then that I was a people pleaser. I didn’t necessarily care about being popular or the center of attention, but I did want people to like me. It hurt to learn about this campaign where someone chose me as the target.
Thankfully, I’d just written on this subject. I coached myself using the message God gave me. All the hours I’d spent trying to help teen girls came full circle as I remembered these truths:
- God knows the full story and your heart. Focus on pleasing Him, and He’ll take care of you.
- What people say about you is opinion, and what God says about you is fact. The way to know your worth is to focus on the facts.
- What a person uses to harm you, God can use for good. Trust Him as your protector.
I didn’t badmouth this mom or go to extra lengths to defend myself. Instead, I focused on my family and my work, prayed to see any wrongs I should right, and let people decide for themselves who to believe.
God in His goodness brought me unexpected love and support, and it made this season easier. The drama passed as drama always does.
For most people, especially girls and women, relationships matter. We care deeply about our relationships — yet problems arise when we care more about what people say about us than what God knows about us. From there we may come unhinged as we fear the social fallout and panic over the future.
You see, being a people pleaser comes with a cost. It makes us fear the loss of human approval more than a lost connection with God.
This may look like any of the following:
- Compromising your values to not ruffle feathers or upset the wrong people
- Saying what your friends want to hear, even if that means telling white lies
- Blaming others, badmouthing others, or pitting people against each other to get a crowd on your side and prove you are “right”
- Doing anything to win over the VIP crowd
- Pretending to be someone you’re not
- Letting the gap widen between who you are and who God has called you to be
Even if you’re an expert people pleaser, some people won’t like you. That’s just a fact. I don’t say this to discourage you but to alleviate the pressure of chasing an impossible goal. Only God’s approval matters, and if you’re pleasing Him, you don’t have to fear what people say or think. You can rest in truths like these:
Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. — Proverbs 29:25
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. — Galatians 1:10 NIV
What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? — Matthew 16:26 NIV
When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. — Proverbs 16:7 NKJV
You might be thinking, But I don’t want to be lonely. I enjoy feeling liked! I totally get that.
God wired you for community, and that’s why you want to be liked. If you didn’t care at all, you’d be content as a lifelong loner.
But like any good thing, this desire can become an obsession. It can make you sacrifice who you are and become chained to public opinion.
Looking up solves this problem. It keeps you focused and firm. You don’t have to win popularity contests to live an incredible life. Trust me: when you listen to God and pattern your life after His goodness, you’ll attract good people. You’ll find the love, affirmation, and encouragement you need to carry out your life purpose.
Lord, help me crave a deep relationship with You. Help me live for my audience of One. Let Your voice be the loudest voice in my head and the voice I care about most. Protect me when I need protection. Amen.
Reflection Questions
- Do you ever struggle with the “disease to please”? Are you ultrasensitive to criticism and not being liked?
- Have you ever lied, held back details, or blamed others to earn human approval? If so, what scared you the most about losing approval?
- Are you the same person no matter who you talk to? Or do you change like a chameleon to win people over? What situations make you stumble?
A Final Thought
Being self-aware and noticing how people respond to you is good. For instance, if you tend to speak bluntly, you may notice the hurt look on someone’s face when you make an insensitive remark. This teaches you to be careful with your words. It builds your social intelligence. At the same time, it’s easy to overanalyze everyone’s reaction to you. It’s tempting to reinvent yourself for all the wrong reasons — putting on a fake persona, buying better clothes, finding cooler friends, or acting more social just to gain acceptance.
Don’t let human approval or disapproval dictate your direction. Keep it simple by living to please God.
Excerpted with permission from Yours, Not Hers by Kari Kampakis, copyright Kari Kampakis.
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Your Turn
Whose approval are you looking for down deep inside? What if the Lord’s approval is all you need? Everyone may struggle from time to time with wanting people to like us, but let’s turn our hearts back to Him every time. He’s the love we need! ~ Devotionals Daily