Editor's note: Enjoy today's devotion from The Power of Petty Prayers by Nona Jones.
*
Humility is often thought of as self-deprecation, the idea that someone thinks lowly of themselves. But humility isn’t about self-deprecation; humility is an admission of self-limitation.
- Humility acknowledges that I need something I don’t have.
If you were starting a new job for the first time, humility would cause you to seek out the mentorship of someone with more tenure to teach you the ropes.
If you were a new parent, humility would cause you to seek out the wisdom of parents who have already raised their children and could offer guidance from their experience.
If you were new to weight loss, humility would cause you to seek out the advice of a dietician who could help you understand your body type and the diet that would best serve your design.
Humility is a virtue that God rewards, with James 4:6 saying that God gives grace to the humble. Grace is the divine power to accomplish something you couldn’t do in your own power. Humility, then, gives us God’s divine capacity to do what would be impossible if left to our power alone. In the case of an unrepentant offender, it is impossible to forgive them in your own power. How do you forgive what someone excuses, justifies, dismisses, and possibly even blames you for? Humility leads you to seek God for the grace to forgive when your offender isn’t sorry.
Whereas humility causes us to recognize our limits and seek help from others, pride causes us to dismiss those who could help us because we believe we can handle it on our own.
If you were starting a new job for the first time, pride would cause you to scoff at a longer-tenured employee’s offer to teach you the ropes, thinking, “I don’t need you. I was hired for my brilliance.”
If you were a new parent, pride would cause you to dismiss experienced parents’ counsel, saying, “This is my child. I know what they need.”
If you were new to weight loss, pride would cause you to discount the advice of a dietician because, “I know what works. I’ve seen different diets on YouTube.”
Pride is a vice that God rebukes.
James 4:6 says,
God opposes the proud.
Pride is so detestable to God that he personally opposes those who operate in pride. And, in the case of offense, pride can show up on both sides of the coin.
On the one hand, the offender can be too prideful to repent for the wrong they caused, preferring to blame the victim or explain away their transgression. On the other hand, the victim can be too prideful to forgive their offender, preferring to hold a debt of blame against the perpetrator for their (very real) pain. We can easily spot pride in the first example: the unrepentant offender. But when we refuse to forgive our offender, we are acting in pride too. How?
In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches the twelve disciples how to pray by offering a beautiful model of prayer now known as the Lord’s Prayer. He says in verses 9 to 13:
This, then, is how you should pray:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.”
He then adds in verses 14 and 15:
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Jesus uses the word for to connect verse 13 to verse 14, where for means “because of this.” Verse 12 is all about forgiveness, presumably making the subject of verse 13’s seemingly ambiguous temptation also about forgiveness. Putting 12 and 13 together with 14 and 15, it is quite possible Jesus is inviting us to ask God to help us avoid the temptation to not forgive our offenders.
But what is a temptation, exactly? According to James 1:14,
Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.
So when we’re tempted not to forgive, it’s because of a natural yet evil desire we must actively oppose. But we can’t fight it in our own power. We need the humility to know we need God! Without him, we can be tempted to refuse to forgive our offender. And that refusal can come out of pride.
But pride is costly. Proverbs 16:18 says,
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Pride creates complications, hardships, obstacles, and challenges where there may otherwise have been none. When we refuse to forgive, we are telling God, “Look, I know what you said about forgiveness, but I know how to handle this situation better than you do. They owe me. But bitterness is the tax you pay on someone else’s debt of offense.
Financial institutions use contracts to acknowledge when a debt is owed between two parties. A less formal financial agreement is called an IOU, standing for “I owe you.” A financial agreement can take the form of a mortgage, car lease, credit card, or even a note between friends—any agreement where parties acknowledge how much is owed and the terms to repay the debt. And when we are bitter, we often hold an emotional IOU against our offender.
- Emotional IOUs are more complicated than financial IOUs.
While financial IOUs exist only when both parties agree to the amount owed and terms of repayment, emotional IOUs can exist whether or not both parties agree to it. An emotional IOU can be created when one party feels their values, rights, or expectations were violated, even if the person who violated them refuses to acknowledge that a debt exists.
Like the father who abandoned your family and tries to reconnect with you years later as if nothing happened. No acknowledgment, no ownership, no remorse, just expectations of warmth. The emotional IOU you hold against him causes you to wait for an apology that never comes.
Or the friend who distanced herself over a minor issue and, instead of working through it, disappeared. Months later, she resurfaces in your messages with a casual, “Hey, stranger,” as if you have been out of touch. The emotional IOU you hold against her causes you to wait for an acknowledgment of wrong that never comes.
Or the significant other who humiliates you at a party, then wrongly quotes Scripture by saying, “The Bible says to forgive and forget” instead of just saying, “I’m sorry.” The emotional IOU you hold against them causes you to wait for some sense of remorse that never comes.
What do you do when someone owes you a debt of repentance but refuses to pay it? Well, I believe your next step depends on what you want to see happen for you. You can’t control what someone else does, but you can control how you respond to what they do based on the outcome you want for yourself.
If you enjoy feeling angry about what they did and like rehearsing how you feel and how much they owe you, the choice is clear: Hang on to their debt—and the torment that comes with it. Think about it as often as possible. Talk to other people about how much your offender owes you. If you are still connected to the person, keep attempting to collect the debt by reminding them how badly they hurt you.
But if you’ve tried these tactics and are tired of getting the same broken results, may I offer you a second option? Write it off as bad debt.
Peace costs less than payback.
Excerpted with permission from The Power of Petty Prayers by Nona Jones, copyright Nona Jones.
* * *
Your Turn
God rewards humility, so let’s practice it. The opposite—pride—is a trait He opposes! None of us wants to be opposed by God! Let’s lay down bitterness and pick up peace today. ~ Devotionals Daily