Editor's note: Enjoy today's devotion from The Girl on the Bathroom Floor by Amber Emily Smith.
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For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. — Isaiah 55:8
What do you do when your life gets flipped upside down? When nothing is as it should be? When someone or something is ripped from you in seconds? One of the most- asked questions about God on Google is “Why does God allow suffering and evil?” Haven’t we all thought this at one point in our lives? The question becomes even more real when tragedy and heartache hit us personally.
For some of you, the grief feels like it will swallow you whole, and you find yourself, like me, crying on the bathroom floor, the weight of it all pressing you down, feeling all-consuming. Maybe you’re there right now, tears streaming down your face, hands clenched on the cold tile, wondering how you’ll ever get up. Maybe you’re the mother who just received the devastating news that there is no longer a heartbeat, your heart breaking as you slump to the floor, clutching your stomach thinking about what will no longer be, overwhelmed by a loss that feels too heavy to bear.
Or perhaps you’re the father who feels like a failure, who lost his job and can’t see how to provide for his family anymore, embarrassed and sobbing in secret because you’re supposed to be the strong one, the leader. Or maybe you’re the son or daughter weeping as you take that hit of methamphetamine, the one you swore you wouldn’t take again; you hate yourself for it, but the grip of addiction has its claws in too deep. You may have just discovered your spouse has been cheating on you, living a double life for months, and now you are wondering how you will take another step.
In my darkest moments, I made myself search for the light. I sought the Lord even though I didn’t truly know Him yet.
It was in the rawness of my grief that I began to see more clearly the One who does know our pain intimately.
I came to know Jesus not as a distant figure but as one who suffers and cries with us, who wept at the tomb of His friend Lazarus not just because He loved him but because He hates the effects of what sin and death have done to this world. I saw Him as the One who truly understands the depth of our sin and sorrow because He bore it Himself on the cross. Now, five years down this road of heartache, I find myself agreeing with the words of one of my favorite suffering women, Elisabeth Elliot, who said, “I’ve come to see that it’s through the deepest suffering that God has taught me the deepest lessons. And if we’ll trust Him for it, we can come through to the unshakeable assurance that He’s in charge. He has a loving purpose. And He can transform something terrible into something wonderful. Suffering is never for nothing.”1
These words have become a lifeline for me, reminding me that even in the depths of my despair, God is moving. It doesn’t make the pain less real, but it gives it a purpose — a purpose that I now see unfolding in ways I could never have imagined.
If I could, I’d like to take you back to the story of Lazarus. The Scriptures say that when word came that Lazarus was sick, Jesus responded,
This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it. — John 11:4
Scripture continues,
Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. — vv. 5–6
I’m sorry, what? Jesus heard Lazarus was sick. He loved him and his sisters, yet He stayed where He was and waited two more days before coming. Why?
We go on to read the purpose. Jesus told His disciples,
Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him. The disciples said to him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him. — vv. 11–15
The purpose of the waiting was so that they would believe. For their sake, out of love, He waited.
It was thought back then that the spirit of a person would hover over a body for a few days, so Jesus waited so they would know for sure that what He was about to do could be done only by God and would result in belief in His name. When Jesus arrived at the tomb, Lazarus had been dead four days.
Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” — vv. 21–27
Martha then called to Mary to come, and she, too, cried to the Lord and said if He would have been there Lazarus wouldn’t have died. When Jesus saw her weeping, the Scriptures say Jesus was deeply moved and greatly troubled. It says, “Jesus wept” (v. 35). The story continues:
Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” — vv. 38–44
I’ve been unpacking these verses in a Bible study I’ve been doing with some friends, and verses 5–6 in particular hit me:
Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.
Because He loved them, He waited. He could have gone and caused Lazarus to get well or stopped his death in some way, but He waited so that they would believe and have eternal life in Him.
Jesus could have saved River. He could have brought him back to us and we would have had a good story to tell, but for exact reasons I don’t know, He didn’t. But I do know He saw the ultimate outcome of our pain and what it would produce in us — belief and trust in Him.
Often we can think that Jesus isn’t coming through for us, but we must remember that He sees the larger picture. He saw the ripple effect of belief that would take place when He miraculously brought a dead man back to life with a word.
- Death doesn’t have the final say, Jesus does, and when we believe and trust in Him, we, too, shall never die. Jesus has authority over death.
To those of you who are currently in the midst of your own pain, wrestling with the agonizing question of why and wondering where God is, I want to remind you that you have someone who meets you in your lowest points of pain, who weeps with you over the fallen nature of this world, but who also holds the keys to death and the grave. Who calls dead bodies to life in Him. Who offers abundant life not only eternally but right now. And who loves you so much that He may wait, or allow a tragic season in your life, in order to bring you to saving faith in Him.
Only by turning to Jesus was I given peace. I wasn’t given answers to all my questions, but I was given His presence, His love, His Word, and His comfort. And that has been enough to sustain me.
Whether you’re crying on the bathroom floor because of a devastating diagnosis, a broken relationship, or the loss of a child, know that Jesus weeps with you in your pain. He goes before you and is faithful to lead you through it, transforming something terrible into something wonderful.
Your tears are seen, your pain is known, and your suffering is never for nothing.
1. Elisabeth Elliot, Suffering Is Never for Nothing (B&H Books, 2019), 9.
Excerpted with permission from The Girl on the Bathroom Floor by Amber Emily Smith, copyright Amber Emily Smith.
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Your Turn
It’s very tempting when everything is in ashes around us to conclude that God must not love us, or He’s not paying attention, or He isn’t trustworthy. Yet, the opposite is true. Jesus is right there with you in it. His plans are wonderful and that’s not a platitude… it’s a promise. ~ Devotionals Daily