Scars to Pearls

So when facing a life threatening trial, how do you refuel the transformation needed to replenish the balance in life itself? What do you lean on, trust on, or hope on? I am a recently retired OB-GYN-Infertility nurse practitioner of almost thirty years in the field, and I experienced delivering a spectrum of diagnoses in my area of expertise. There were the ‘good news’ moments with joy, success, and cure. But there will be moments we witness overwhelming pain and the devastating news of death. The shoe is on the other foot now for me. I am the patient with metastatic melanoma skin cancer and not the provider, a very uncomfortable and humbling place for me. Sometimes the biggest battle fought isn’t the cancer, but the emotional battle we suddenly find ourselves in. We are not prepared for this emotional turmoil or how to deal with it. The journey I experienced and now share with you had its difficulties, filled with approximately fifty appointments, two surgeries, hospitalization and therapies, but life continues. If you have recently been diagnosed with cancer, I know you are scared; I certainly was. Because in the beginning when you first hear the news, you immediately wonder: ‘How is this all going to end?’ The journey has only just begun and we are already wondering: ‘How it’s all going to play out?’ I know all the questions you are asking yourself, for I am the patient now and my perspective has changed. I can feel the uncertainty of your courage and strength to proceed through the demands of appointments, diagnostic testing, surgeries, pain, and treatments. I know the tears you will wipe quietly away from your cheek in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep or when you are simply all alone, afraid, in pain, or discouraged. I can feel your heart pounding so loud that certainly anyone standing next to you must hear it also. Your mind is spinning with worry from all the ‘what ifs.’ What will help me ‘succeed’ at alleviating the fear that is ever present and now sprinkled into my daily life? As a lifelong believer in Christ, a foundation of faith was laid long ago. I was just a believer, as some years were more inclusive of Christ Jesus than others. But I never doubted there was a God. I would learn how to respect, love and nurture this new found relationship in the months ahead. I chose to lean on, trust on, and hope on my faith and I began introducing a spiritual element into my new daily routine. In the months of pain and challenges, reaching for spiritual encouragement and journaling as the days, weeks, and months would pass, I found myself in a relationship with my Creator. He sat with me, walked with me and became my companion when I was alone and tired. Experiencing the joy with this new relationship was a gift to me, from God. But, of course, the medical provider in me led me to bring an educational element to my book. It is not the number one cancer killer, but it is the universally number one diagnosed cancer. I had recognized the lack of awareness amongst my friends and family, in regards to skin cancers and the serious threat they pose. So I include many Medical Pearls, which may be facts, or a helpful hint to pay additional attention to. For those who want to read about an amazing spiritual journey I include several Holy Spirit Moments which could be visions or occurrences in which only God could provide and explain. And, I share Spiritual Pearls which are my spiritual thoughts on scripture, visions or dreams that occurred both past and present, as it contributes to who I am. In my most vulnerable moments, my trust needed to lie somewhere other than myself. I am very good at taking care of myself, thank you very much. Suddenly my life takes a turn, and I better get ready for the unchartered course it will take. One day at a time. We all have a story within us. This shall be my story.