Editor’s note: Yesterday, we shared an excerpt of Lysa TerKeurst’s book Making Peace with What I Can’t Control. You can read it here and then enjoy session one of the Making Peace with What I Can’t Control Study Guide below. And, please join us for the OBS starting November 16th! Grab a friend and sign up today!
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Watch the Video
As you watch the video, use the outline below to help you follow along with the teaching and to take additional notes on anything that stands out to you.
Oxford Languages defines control as “the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.”
We exhaust ourselves trying to change what is not within our ability to change. It impacts our mood, our outlook, the way we treat others, and even causes us to do things we wouldn’t normally do otherwise.
It’s okay to be responsible to manage what is within our responsibility to manage. Taking charge isn’t a bad thing until our desire to keep everyone and everything going in the right direction crosses a line from a good desire to an absolute demand.
Our attempts of exercising control are really an attempt at trying to be like God.
Control happens in three places: the thinking, the knowing, the doing.
THE THINKING:
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, ‘Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden”?’
Notice the Enemy introduces doubt about God and His Word and draws Eve’s thinking away from the truth.
THE KNOWING:
The woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, “You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.”’ ‘You will not certainly die,’ the serpent said to the woman. ‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’
The Enemy tries to make Eve doubt that God has her best interest in mind because He’s withholding information from her. And we see Eve overextending the knowledge she was given by God. God’s Word does not seem to be enough because she adds to God’s words: Not only is the eating of it going to make you die, but the touching of it as well.
THE DOING:
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
Eve did the very thing that God instructed them not to do and suffered the very consequences that He was trying to protect them from. Notice that, if the Enemy could trip Eve up in her thinking and her knowing, he didn’t have to force her to do anything. She chose to disobey God.
Our thinking and knowing will always directly impact our doing.
Where are we going to park our thoughts? Are we going to park our thoughts on all that we don’t know, or on what we can know for sure?
Our brains are wired for the confidence in knowing. If we never know anything in confidence, our brain is going to spin on things it does not know. And out of that confusion and frustration, we will then do the opposite of trusting God—we will try to take control for ourselves.
The word “uncertainty” is not one that most of us like. We want to be certain that things are going to turn out okay.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.
The Greek word for “cast” in this verse is epiripto. This means to “cast something off of yourself,” thus releasing yourself from the weight of that thing.
One of the senses of the word “cast” is to transfer one’s concerns upon another. And the One that we can cast our cares upon is also the One that we can truly trust.
- We can be assured or we can be ashamed. God assures us with His strength. The Enemy shames us with our weakness.
We must park our minds on the strength of what the Lord can do, rather than try to take control and expose how incapable and weak we really are.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Four reassurances we need to know about God in the midst of unknown outcomes so we don’t continue to try to control:
- We belong to God, and He has claimed us as His.
- He is the One who strengthens us.
- He will help us.
- He will hold on to us with His righteous right hand.
Group Discussion Questions
1. Lysa explained how taking charge isn’t a bad thing until our desire to keep everyone and everything going in the right direction crosses a line from a good desire to an absolute demand.
Think about how you act when you are in a healthy place of simply desiring a person to act a certain way or wanting a situation to turn out a certain way. Compare this to how you act when you have crossed over to making a demand for a person to act a certain way or a situation to turn out a certain way. How does demanding change your behavior?
How do you think these reactions affect you and other people?
2. Control happens in three places: the thinking, the knowing, the doing. Let’s look at the story in Genesis of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden to see how this three-part process plays out.
Read Genesis 3:1. How does the Enemy influence Eve’s thinking?
Read Genesis 3:2–5. In what way does Eve add on to what God said?
Sometimes we try to take control of a situation by filling in our own commentary about what God’s Word says. We want things to make sense. We want to “know” details. How can you relate to this?
Read Genesis 3:6. What does Eve do in disobedience to God?
3. How does the thinking-knowing-doing process play out when you’re tempted to be controlling?
4. Lysa shared how our brains are wired for the confidence in knowing and how most of us don’t like uncertainty or, in other words, the opposite of confidence in knowing. How do you think uncertainty or a lack of confidence in knowing influences your tendency to control?
5. Look up and read aloud the Scripture verses and answer the questions that follow.
What are the commands for us to follow?
What are the benefits of following these commands?
What are the commands for us to follow?
What are the benefits of following these commands?
What are the commands for us to follow?
What are the benefits of following these commands?
6. We learn four reassurances we need to know about God in the midst of unknown outcomes, so we don’t continue to try to control. Read the statements below and share which gives you the most reassurance in God right now. Why?
Four reassurances:
- We belong to God, and He has claimed us as His.
- He is the One who strengthens us.
- He will help us.
- He will hold on to us with His righteous right hand.
7. To end our time together, share any thoughts you have after watching the video and having our discussion. Did anything surprise you? Challenge you? Or give you something to work on in the next week?
BEFORE THE NEXT SESSION
Every week, the Making Peace with What I Can’t Control Study Guide includes three days of personal study to help you draw closer to God and His Word. For the first week of personal study, you’ll work with the video session, as well as the introduction and chapter 1 of the Making Peace with What I Can’t Control. book. You’ll also have time to read chapters 2–3 of the book in preparation for our next time together.\
Excerpted with permission from Making Peace with What I Can’t Control Study Guide by Lysa TerKeurst, copyright Lysa TerKeurst LLC.
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Your Turn
Read this again: “Our attempts of exercising control are really an attempt at trying to be like God.” Does that strike a chord? Let’s give up trying to control and remember that He holds us with His righteous right hand. ~ Devotionals Daily
